An Encyclopaedia of Unusual Fish

The Behmothic Newlyn is not only one of the biggest (up to 150 notional lumins, and possibly even larger) of all the conceptual fish, but also one of the most unusual.

Every Behemothic Newlyn begins its life cycle in a tiny embrionic state, born in the conceptual centre of a coin, or other piece of legal tender. As the coin circulates, the embyonic Newlyn grows, feeding on a small amount of the coins perceived vaule with each transaction. As the coin devalues, the Newlyn becomes larger inside it. Embryonic Newlyn are believed to be currently responsible for inflation of up to 50% in some currencies (most particularly, the American dollar).

A Newlyn will remain in it's [sic] embryonic state for betwen [sic] twenty and thirty-five years. As many coins do not stay in continuous circulation for this amout [sic] of time, only a small percentage of Behemothic Newlyn ever reach adulthood. Those that do leave their coins, make their way down into one of the vast oceans of financial potential which exist at the heart of every large bank and multi-national corporation. Undisturbed in the blackest depths of fiscal possibility, Behemothic Newlyn grow to gigantic proportions and live for hundreds, possibly thousands, of years.

Adult Newlyn are incredibly difficult to observe, but occasionally one will surface and trawl the viewable financial environment. During this time the creature will suck up entire speculative flows to sift and consume a fraction of a penny or a cent from millions of electronic bank accounts before disappearing again into the black.

There is no definitive evidence as to how this mid-sized Cognicharius received its name, although it has been suggested that the term came about as a result of attacks on monks working on illuminated manuscripts during the Middle Ages. We do know that this shark has been officially recognised in learned circles since at least the 13th century, with apocryphal accounts dating back into the early Classical period. It seem possible that this animal has existed as long as the written word itself.

Like its larger cousins, the Ludovican and the Ludogarian, the Franciscan is a dangerous and unpredictable predator and should only be observed after great preparation and with extreme caution. However the limitations of the Franciscan’s environment do make observation a slightly easier proposition than with other species of thought shark.

The Franciscan shark swims only in the meta-flow, circulation and distribution of the written word. Extremely territorial, these sharks typically stake their claim on a single text, circling perpetually through every copy of that text in existence. Attacks on humans can occur when significant changes to an established text are attempted, when large chunks of prose are learned verbatim, or even if a reader becomes overly involved or preoccupied with a book's narrative, It is very difficult to tell if any given work has become the territory of a Franciscan shark, but recent attacks have been reliably reported on readers of the following texts: The Bullet Trick by Louise Weish, Gold by Dan Rhodes, The End of Mr Y by Scarlett Thomas, The Pure Land by Alan Spence and the Independent on Sunday newspaper.

The USC has added these titles to its Franciscan records.

The Hypsochronidae, more commonly known as the ‘Shifted Salmon’ or ‘Doppler Fish’, is a fairly common, medium-sized sentapiscis.

Adults average at about three notional lumins in length, although larger individuals are occasionally observed. Rather than the size of any one individual however, it is the sheer number of shifted salmon observable during the migration season that mark this animal out for special attention.

Throughout much of the twentieth century, thousands of shifted salmon made their way from the deep oceans of the collective unconscious to breed in the bright streams of debate and human interaction which occured at large conventions/public events around the world. In North America, tens of thousands of shifted salmon were traditionally drawn together to breed in the near constant news commentary and social speculation of Superbowl weekend. UK migrations were often more sporadic, occurring most often around long-running news stories or political scandal during the summer months.

In a dramatic evolution of their behaviour, the early twenty-first century has seen breeding groups of hypsochronidae relocate into the social media space in large numbers, with almost perpetual migrations leading to a dramatic population spike.

Hypsochronidae characteristics: The Shifted salmon’s common name comes from the alternate stripes of redshift and blueshift doppler-logic which line its body as camouflage. The shifted salmon’s redshift stripes are known to cause a strong sense of déjà vu, while the blueshift stripes can bring about acute future anxiety. A ‘flash’ of both stripes at once as the animal swims can therefore be understandably very disorientating and in large shoals the effect can be overwhelming for an observer for several hours after an encounter. Because of this pseudo-temporal effect, there has been suggestion that the shifted salmon actual exists briefly in the past and future as well as the present, but there has never been any evidence for this. There has also been speculation on the fringes of scientific study that the shifted salmon is a distant relative of the Einsteinian Ticking Remora, although as this fish is so rare no real study into this proposition has been achieved.

Recovered fragment associated with the Ludograna material.

First officially catalogued for the USC by Capt. St John Lewis in 1839, and named in honour of him by the society, the Ludovician shark has been a cause of myth, speculation and storytelling for over four thousand years (see below). A powerful and persistent mnemonic predator, Ludovicians are to be considered amongst the most dangerous of all sentapiscis and should only be observed after great preparation and with extreme caution.

With a recorded length of over thirty notional lumens from snout to tail tip, the Ludovician is the largest living member of the Cognicharius family, outsized only by the gigantic Meglovician which seems to have become extinct between four and five hundred years ago, possibly due to the western diversification of printed language from a previously prevalent Latin. The Ludovician appears to be more adaptable and, as a result, is more widely distributed than its extinct cousin. Although the animal is solitary and (thankfully) rarely encountered in the field, Ludovician attacks on speakers of over twenty languages have been reliably reported over the past fifty years. This and other research suggests a stable, if not growing population.

Ludovician characteristics: Portentous, impassive to vague to vacant colouration, sepulchral bite radius, regressively swept fins and ubiquitous dorsal meme.

Ludovician myths: It should come as little surprise that this large, dangerous and enigmatic predator should be the focus of much legend and superstition. Perhaps the most engaging of all the myths associated with these animals is the ancient Native American belief that all memories, events and identities consumed by one of the great dream fishes would somehow be reconstructed and eternally sustained inside it. The indigenous oral tradition tells us how the greatest shamans and medicine men would travel to ancestral holy places to pass their souls into the dream fish when they reached old age. These shamans believed that once they had sacrificed themselves, they would join their ancestors and memory-families in eternal vision-worlds recreated from generations of shared knowledge and experience. In effect, each Ludovician shark came to be revered as a self-contained, living afterlife. Name chants once told which of the ancestors had passed into which of the seven greatest dream fish, but these are now understood to be fragmented and lost. Thankfully, this misguided and macabre practice is no longer observed.

“Idea lampreys - the conceptual crabs, the jellies, some of the simple fish.”

A book-sourced fish image associated with the prehistoric fish strand of the encyclopaedia material.

Serrasalmerrida, or Deconstructive Piranhas, are a rare species of small conceptual fish, thankfully confined to the deep, hidden lakes and overgrown tropical rivers of academic philosophical discourse.

For much of the year these small and abstract thought fish pose only a slight threat to an observer, but during long hot summer months between university and college semesters, the deconstructive piranhas can find both their environment and regular food supplies beginning to dwindle. Under these circumstances they become possibly the most dangerous and aggressive of all the Sentapiscis: a shoal of hungry deconstructive piranhas can strip even a very complex idea, statement or thought of all meaning within seconds. Even Cognicharius sharks have occasionally been known to fall victim to a Serrasalmerridian feeding frenzy when trapped in a shrinking academic discourse. These animals will attack and strip a human being just as readily, with only the outer, physical remnants and detritus remaining unconsumed.

For these reasons, the USC have a long-standing policy that no research is undertaken on this animal from the month of June to the month of September in any given year, except via, remote and strictly quarantined recording equipment.